Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
