If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
