The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
