i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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