I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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