Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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