he wants to bone in the snuggie
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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