What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
