I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
