You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
