Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
