i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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