i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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