my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
