Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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