I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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