I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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