Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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