saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
