Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
