Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
