We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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