What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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