i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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