It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
