I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
