I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize