your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize