I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize