moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
