So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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