OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize