shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
