You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
