I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
