your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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