Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
