you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
