You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
