you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
