thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
