I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
