nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
