so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
