guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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