oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
