Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
