I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
