Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
