So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
