Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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