i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
