I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Found the puke drawer
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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