I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
