Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
