I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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