Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
