I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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