i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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