My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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